Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
