Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
