Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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