Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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