True but thats because hes a fetus.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So vagazzling was a success
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
