K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
