i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
