I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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