Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
