Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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