In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My bed smells like the plague
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
