whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We smell like vodka and hangover
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