made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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