Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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