I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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