A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
