Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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