Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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