saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.