SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
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sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.