You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
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i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.