Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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