I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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