Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
