Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize