So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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