Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
