You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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