Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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