they said they heard you say put it in my butt
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
