Where did you get a picture of my penis
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
