It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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