We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
