In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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