Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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