I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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