i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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