So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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