Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
