My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
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I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize