he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
