My pussy is not your playground.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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