that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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