You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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