mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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