Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
