A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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