i need an iv and a liver transplant
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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