apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
