Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
