i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
