Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
