when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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