I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
