I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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