I am in a vortex of obligation.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
