That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
