p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
