Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
