Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
