Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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