One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
