tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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