I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
