i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
