i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
