Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
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It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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