I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
