the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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