OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Let's get the cat blown out
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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