anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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