i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
