Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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