It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
