i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
